Thursday, January 29, 2009

Twittered MASH Season 1

MASH1,1 Combat surgeons raffle weekend in Tokyo with dishy nurse to raise money for their house boy to go to US college. Chaplain wins!-

MASH1,2 The docs make a deal with local black market boss: Henry’s antique desk for stolen Hydrocortisone. Chopper flies desk away!-

MASH1,3 Trapper must box ringer to keep nurse from transfer. Docs fix match with ether-soaked glove. Ringer passes out atop Frank&Hotlips.-

MASH1,4 Hawkeye made chief surgeon, sour grape Frank goes to General. General learns 4077th is fine, Hawkeye the best, despite hijinks.-

MASH1,5 Sergeant keeps girl as a possession. Hawkeye eventually cheats at cards to win and free her, and she resists independence.-

MASH1,6 Hawkeye prevents propaganda documentary of 4077th, reshoots it with Groucho mustache, realism, & includes gory wounds and death.-

MASH1,7 Hawkeye wants R&R, acts crazy. Shrink says 2 wks obs. Docs tell shrink “Hotlips wants you.” Shrink attacks her & is sent away.-

MASH1,8 Chopper pilot w/minor wound tries to kill Henry for not sending him home. Docs save Henry by telling of letter from pilot's wife.-

MASH1,9 Henry gets citation, transfer. Frank in charge & out of control. Radar fakes ill. Seeing Frank-in-action convinces Henry to stay.-

MASH1,10 A rash of thefts leads to a poignant reveal that Ho Jon wanted cash to bring his family from the North.-

MASH1,11 The docs secretly siphon Frank’s blood for a N. Korean casualty, then learn Frank must have Hepatitis. Hepatitis hijink hilarity!-

MASH1,12 Being stationed on foreign soil in a “police action” is never more charming than in Hawkeye’s Christmas letter home to Dad.-

MASH1,13 When the nurses pull a Lysistrata to get Nurse Eddie some action, the men draw straws, and Hawkeye endures his “win.”-

MASH1,14 Radar gets dumped by his girl. Docs engineer new romance, keep Hotlips from meddling and coach him on music/poetry.-

MASH1,15 The docs’ fake doc helps orphans with his pay and medicine. When a General arrives to honor him, he “dies” most tragically.-

MASH1,16 The docs, with Radar’s help, use alcohol, hijinks, and naughtiness to keep a high-casualty-rate colonel from the front lines.-

MASH1,17 Ron Howard symbolizes all GIs who should get purple hearts & be sent back home, Frank doesn’t. Hawkeye’s pal dies under knife.-

MASH1,18 Dear Dad, Again. Business as usually. Hawkeye getting naked on a bet, Frank in the doghouse. But- Radar cheating on a test?!-

MASH1,19 All covet Hawkeye’s new longjohns during a coldspell, and everybody has them briefly.-

MASH1,20 TV of Army/Navy game disrupted by unexploded shell. How does one defuse a large shell that is actually full of CIA pamphlets?-

MASH1,21 When patient ails, Hawkeye is self-doubting and sulky. 2nd surgery proves 1st had been extra tricky, even Frank thinks so.-

MASH1,22 Docs actually have to scheme to KEEP Frank & Hotlips, & resort to the old “make someone think there’s buried treasure” ploy.-

MASH1,23 Leaked word of a cease-fire leads to misplaced generosity & Hawkeye pretending to be married. No cease-fire = short party.-

MASH1,24 USO in camp, everything's topsy turvy. By the end, Henry’s wife has a boy, Trapper & Chaplain save patient, & Frank gets to prank.