Twittered Decameron, Part 2/2

Day V ends – Elisa is crowned Queen. She sets a theme for the next day: A clever remark or device averts trouble.-

Day VI. - This is the continuing feed of Boccaccio's Decameron –

VI,1 A lady escapes rough narration by remarking on the rough gait of her escort’s horse. He takes her meaning & tells other tales.-

VI,2 Servant tries to con classy baker out of more wine than Lord sought. Baker sends servant back til Lord catches on, then gifts wine.-

VI,3 When Bishop teases virtuous lady in public, she retorts, invoking scandal that involves Bishop’s pal and Bishop's brother’s family.-

VI,4 When Lord gets angry about getting served crane w/only one leg, Cook makes him laugh with joke that cranes have only one leg.-

VI,5 A wise judge and a brilliant artist, both ugly, ride through rain and mud, and taunt each other’s appearance.-

VI,6 A guy wins a supper by playfully proving a notoriously ugly family is the oldest (noblest) in the world - God was still practicing.-

VI,7 Lusty wife acquits herself of adultery charges by showing it’s husband’s fault. She never denied him, he can’t keep up with her.-

VI,8 Vain girl is warned by uncle: if she doesn’t like to see tiresome people she shouldn’t look in the mirror. She doesn’t get it.-

VI,9 Rich intellectual blows off dandies who want to hang out with him by basically calling them dead from the neck up.-

VI,10 Friar promises the folk an angel’s feather, but finds only coals to show them. Ah! They are from the martyrdom of St. Lawrence.-

Day VI ends – Dioneo is crowned King. He sets a theme for the next day: Tricks played by Wives upon Husbands.-

Day VII. - This is the continuing feed of Boccaccio's Decameron –

VII,1 When lover knocks, wife convinces very stupid husband it’s a bogey and sings a convincing exorcism. -

VII,2 Husband comes home to sell barrel. Wife says it’s sold to guy inspecting barrel. So husband fixes barrel while adulterers disport.-

VII,3 A foolish husband is easily convinced that the friar and the wife were locked in the bedroom saying a charm to save the baby.-

VII,4 Locked out by angry husband, wife convinces him she’s jumped in well. He hears big splash & runs out. She runs in & locks door.-

VII,5 A jealous husband is tricked into watching the wrong door, just when he thought he had tricked errant wife.-

VII,6 “Oh, him? He came by looking for some other guy, who’s hiding here somewhere, not like they’re both my lovers or anything.”-

VII,7 After bedding Lady, man goes to garden where Lord waits in Lady’s clothes to catch her lover. Man beats Lord: “Unfaithful Lady!”-

VII,8 Wife turns table on jealous husband by putting maid in her own place. When husband calls wife’s brothers, they beat him instead.-

VII,9 Young wife passes 3 challenges & wins her chosen gallant, then arranges the dalliance so Lord sees it but thinks it illusion.-

VII,10 Two buddies in love with the same woman. One gets action, so much he dies of it, & comes back as a ghost to tell of afterlife.-

Day VII ends – Lauretta is crowned Queen. She sets a theme for the next day: Tricks people play on each other.-

Day VIII. - This is the continuing feed of Boccaccio's Decameron –

VIII,1 Friar borrows money from merchant to pay merchant’s wife to sleep w/ him, then tells merchant “I paid the $ back to your wife.”-

VIII,2 Wife has affair with a priest. They exchange tokens and banter, including dirty jokes about mortars and pestles.-

VIII,3 A foolish man is tricked into looking for, and believing he’s found, a magic rock. His wife makes fun of him.-

VIII,4 Priest won’t let lady alone. She sends maid in disguise, her brothers arrange for Bishop to catch priest with maid.-

VIII,5 Three mischievous guys pull a judge’s pants down while he’s on the bench.-

VIII,6 The guys from VIII,3. Foolish guy is tricked into believing he had missing pig the whole time, & pays them not to tell his wife.-

VIII,7 She leaves him waiting in the snow all night. He arranges revenge, leaving her on the roof in the sun and miserable all day.-

VIII,8 A sleeps w/ B’s wife. B’s wife helps B lock A in chest. B has sex with A’s wife on that chest. None really minds the swapping.-

VIII,9 The guys from VIII,3, again. Practical jokers convice a guy that he can join a secret magic club, leave him in a foul ditch.-

VIII,10 A merchant tricks a woman into thinking he has more goods than he really does. He extracts cash on credit and absconds w/it.-

Day VIII ends – Emilia is crowned Queen. She sets no theme for the next day.-

Day IX. - This is the continuing feed of Boccaccio's Decameron –

IX,1 Clever lady rids herself of 2 undesired lovers. Ones fake dead in a tomb, other goes after him, neither can “prove” their love.-

IX,2 Abbess, thinking to surprise a nun in flagrante with a lover, accidentally reveals her own affair. The ladies reach agreement.-

IX,3 The guys from VIII,3, again. Practical jokers convince buffoon he is pregnant, and he trades many goods to them for a “cure.”-

IX,4 One guy loses both his and his buddy’s money and tries to run for it. The buddy gets him back as he deserves.-

IX,5 The guys from VIII,3, again. Practical jokers “help” buffoon try to get his way with damsel. All he gets is trouble with his wife.-

IX,6 Bed mix-ups w/ two guests, the host’s wife, the host’s daughter, & the host. “Wake up (wink) you’ve been sleepwalking again.”-

IX,7 Man tells his wife of terrible dream that a wolf tears her apart. She doesn’t heed the warning, and the dream comes true.-

IX,8 One freeloader tricks another regarding breakfast. The second gets revenge by getting a violent man enraged at the first. -

IX,9 King Solomon advises the lonely man to find love by loving, and the balked husband to beat his ill-tempered & obdurate wife.-

IX,10 Man interrupts the spell for turning his wife into a mare when he sees how his friend attaches the tail. Spell doesn’t work.-

Day IX ends – Pamfilo is crowned King. He sets a theme for the next day, tales of generosity, nobility, magnificence.-

Day X. - This is the continuing feed of Boccaccio's Decameron –

X,1 Generous king shows petulant knight that reward comes from luck, not fairness, but then gives knight some treasure.-

X,2 Bandit captures abbot, cures him of ills, frees him. Abbot reconciles bandit w/ the Pope, who makes bandit head of a hospital.-

X,3 Bully searches for nice guy to kill him. Friendly guy explains how to catch him. Turns out, same guy. They become friends.-

X,4 Guy digs up the lady he loves and revives her. She was pregnant, has son, and guy restores her and son to lady’s husband.-

X,5 Result- A magic garden that blooms in January. Generous husband inspires everybody to release others’ promises.-

X,6 An old King realizes he has no business with a young girl. He dowers her and her sister generously in good marriages.-

X,7 A King is kind to a young woman heart-sick in her crush on him. He sets up a good marriage and is quite chivalrous.-

X,8 Everybody is so determined to declare themself the murderer that the Emperor frees them all and it’s happy ever after.-

X,9 Saladin recognizes captured man who had treated him well, and magically arranges for man to reunite w/his wife.-

X,10 Mind boggling story of King who takes peasant to wife, treats her like God does Job, then loves her for her patience.-

End Day X – Like Boccaccio, I could defend this work by saying: Take it as you will, and good fortune to you who wish it to me.-

Twittered Decameron, Part 1/2

The Decameron, by Boccaccio, in Tweets-

A brigade of 10 beautiful young people flee the plague, pass time in the country by each telling a tale a day for 10 days, and flirting.-

Day I. Pampinea is Queen to command the activities for the day. She sets no theme for the tales for today.-

I,1 A wicked money lender falls ill far from home. Dying, he tells a friar such lies of his own goodness, all believe he was a saint.-

I,2 A devout man converts from Judaism after concluding that Catholicism must be God’s will, for Rome thrives despite much corruption.-

I,3 A Muslim ruler & a wealthy Jew reach accord. All three religions of the Book are of God, it is not for men to say which is highest.-

I,4 A monk seduces a woman, and knows the bishop knows. He arranges the bishop’s seduction by the same woman. Problem solved.-

I,5 A beautiful Marquess puts off the King’s unwanted advances by serving him chicken. He asks about hens, she answers about women. Burn!-

I, 6 A man ends unjust persecution by an inquisitor by expressing fear what will happen when that cleric’s generosity returns 100-fold.-

I,7 A witty man enlightens a great man (re generosity) with a tale about a great man who gets enlightened with regard to a witty man.-

I,8 A miser, for once moved to seek someone’s approval, is challenged by an admirable man to learn generosity, and he seeks to do so.-

I,9 An injured Lady asks a useless King for advice in handling insult, since he clearly bears it so well. At last he is moved to virtue.-

I,10 A Lady makes much fun of an older man who is smitten with her, but is baffled and set down when he responds with wit and good humor.-

Day I ends. Pampinea appoints Filomena Queen for Day II. Filomena sets theme: people who struggle and succeed unexpectedly.

Day II. - This is the continuing feed of Boccaccio's Decameron -

II,1 A man fakes a miracle and is saved from a mob only when his friends tell cops he's a thief. He barely escapes hanging. Good times.-

II,2 A merchant beset by thieves finds warm welcome with a lovely widow and sees the thieves captured. St. Julian is much honored.-

II, 3 After brothers waste 2 fortunes, nephew catches the eye of a disguised English princess & marries her, raising the family status.-

II,4 Adventure! In poverty, a young man turns pirate, is captured, then shipwrecked. Ashore, he finds treasure and goes home wealthy.-

II,5 Tricked & robbed, merchant is then tricked & trapped in a tomb by robbers. He frightens later tomb-robbers and escapes w/a ruby.-

II,6 Father imprisoned by king, mother separated from boys, all endure separate hardship until recognition and uprisings reunite all.-

II,7 The Sultan’s daughter, intended bride for a King, is taken by 9 men in 4 years. Home again, she passes as virgin, marries the King.-

II,8 Unjustly accused man takes steps to protect his family, lives in exile, works hard, and finds happiness once his name is cleared.-

II,9 Wronged wife of wronged man dresses as a man, frees man, gets revenge on wrongdoer. Like Cymbeline, but w/Sultan & Italians.-

II,10 Young guy carries off old rich guy’s young wife & will only give her back if she wants. She doesn’t. Old guy dies. Happiness.-

Day II ends. Neifile is crowned Queen & declares a weekend break, and sets the theme for Monday: changing fortune that ends well.-

Day III. - This is the continuing feed of Boccaccio's Decameron -

III,1 A man pretends to be deaf & mute to get job in convent, & gets lots of action with all the nuns. He lives a long & happy life.-

III,2 King snips hair from groom suspected of bedding queen. Waking early, that groom lops hair from other grooms’ hair and escapes ID.-

III,3 A lusty lady tells a corrupt cleric his handsome friend is pressing advances. She gets her way while seeming virtuous.-

III,4 Pious man + (neglected wife + amorous scholar monk) = complicated 40 day penance for one/ simple 40 paradise for others.-

III,5 Gallant has fancy horse to trade for a few minutes speech w/ greedy man’s beautiful wife. In a way, all three get what they want.-

III,6 Mr. Tricky tricks lady into thinking lady’s husband is meeting Mrs. Tricky. Lady goes as Mrs. Tricky & sleeps w/her "husband."-

III,7 Oh the drama. Turned away by his lover, back in disguise to get apology, saves her husband from execution, reconciles w/family.-

III,8 Naughty abbott tricks man into believing he has died, gone to purgatory & been revived. He raises wife's new baby as his own.-

III,9 All’s Well that Ends Well – really. The names are different, and in this version she has two sons before he returns to her.-

III,10 *NSFW* Hermit teaches girl how to put the devil into hell. She settles to marriage when assured husband will know how.-

Day III ends. Filostrato is crowned King. He sets a theme for the next day: Loves that ended unfortunately.-

Day IV. - This is the continuing feed of Boccaccio's Decameron –

IV,1 King dotes on but neglects his daughter. He sends her lover’s heart to her in a gold cup. Defiant, she drinks poison. He mourns.-

IV,2 Cleric has his way with beautiful lady by appearing to her in the guise of the angel Gabriel. He gets caught and locked up.-

IV,3 Brothers (ABC) run off w/ sisters (DEF). Jealous D kills A. Wrathful B kills E for saving D. D&B run off. C&F escape but die.-

IV,4 An intemperate prince breaks family honor to rescue beloved princess. In shipboard attack, she is killed. Then he’s beheaded.-

IV,5 Brothers kill her lover. She finds head and keeps it in a basil pot, watered w/ her tears. She dies. Creepy story, but it sticks with you.-

IV,6 Lovers tell each other their spooky dreams, then one drops dead. Accused of killing him, she defends herself, then becomes a nun.-

IV,7 He rubs sage leaf on his tooth, drops dead. Taken up for killing him, she shows what happened with the leaf & also drops dead.-

IV,8 Mom insists guy go to Paris. He comes home, his girl is married. He sneaks in to die by her side. She goes & dies by his body.-

IV,9 Lord slays his wife’s lover and presents lover’s heart to her as food. She figures out what it is and throws herself out a window.-

IV,10 He takes opiate, thought dead. She hides body in chest. Chest stolen. Awake, he’s accused of theft. Truth out, thieves hanged.-

Day IV Ends – Fiammetta is crowned Queen. She sets a theme for the next day: Lovers that go through troubles that end happily.-

Day V. - This is the continuing feed of Boccaccio's Decameron –

V,1 Love kindles couth in a brute. Hero captures girl temporarily. Buddy helps him out of prison, they both get their girls.-

V,2 In despair at word of his death, she sets adrift in a boat. She comes ashore where, surprise, he is risen high and rich. They marry.-

V,3 Lovers run away and encounter ruffians. She runs and makes it to safety, he escapes later. They reunite, marry, and go home.-

V,4 Girl arranges outside bed to “hear the nightingale.” Parents find her w/ lover asleep, "nightingale" in hand, and approve the match.-

V,5 One suitor turns out to be beautiful orphan's brother, so she marries the other. The suitors needn’t have fought, really.-

V,6 Well connected lovers piss off a King (he wanted the girl) & are almost burned alive before an Admiral tells King who they are.-

V,7 He gets his Lord’s daughter pregnant, is to be hanged but is set free & marries his love after his Dad recognizes him.-

V,8 Spurned suitor arranges for Lady to see ghost of man cursed to repeatedly kill ghost of cruel woman who spurned him. Lady relents.-

V,9 Suitor spends and spends but is spurned. Lady comes to breakfast. He cooks and serves his last possession (a falcon). She relents.-

V,10 Husband comes home early, and it seems no one is in a position to throw stones. The more the merrier, actually.-

Day V ends – Elisa is crowned Queen. She sets a theme for the next day: A clever remark or device averts trouble.-