Monday, January 19, 2009

All the Twittered Shakespeare Synopses

Here they are:

CofE: It takes a surprisingly long time for two sets of twins to figure out they are being mistaken for each other. One family is reunited.

TotS: There is no clear winner in this battle between the sexes, but at least one couple probably ends up having good sex.

TGoV: Two guys overcome both temporary exile from somewhere and their impulse-control issues and marry their long-suffering sweethearts.

LLL: Men make a big deal out of the life of the mind & living rough, but court pretty women anyway. The women say “Maybe” and leave.

AMND: A love potion straightens everything out and several couples end up happily together. Rustics are mocked. Watch out for fairies.

MoV: A greedy lender loses out due to a poorly-phrased contract, women practice law in drag & w/out licenses, and lovers are united.

MWW: A physically unattractive freeloader gets what he deserves for trying to sully the virtue of happily married rich and clever women.

MAAN: Trickery breaks up 1 couple and makes another. Love prevails, with a wedding and public shame for faithless lovers & jealous meddler.

AYLI: Exiled rich people live in the forest and fall in love with each other. Later, the deposed duke gets his dukedom back as he likes it.

TN: Shipwrecked sister dresses as a man. Bizarre love triangle is resolved when identical brother is found and genders are disclosed.

T&C: A Trojan man doubts his Trojan lover, Achilles eventually goes into battle, and Hector is defeated.

AWtEW: A doctor’s daughter saves a king and gets an unwilling husband. She tricks him into bed, gets pregnant, and then he comes around.

MfM: A lazy duke puts a pious jerk in charge. Things get out of hand, the duke takes the reins, the pious jerk sees the error of his ways.

---- the Histories

HVI1: King Henry accidentally starts the wars of the roses and gets engaged to a French girl. Incidentally, Joan of Arc is captured and killed.

HVI2: King Henry marries his French girl. Royal catfights end in impasse. The men battle at St. Albans and King Henry’s side doesn’t lose.

HVI3: Tension over succession, Queen declares war on Yorks, graphic violence ensues. Lancasters fall, Edward IV weds unwisely, takes power.

RIII: Edward IV dies, a caricatured villain usurps, murders innocents, & dies on a battlefield in sore need of a horse. The Tudors win.

KJ: King John won’t back down from King Phillip nor the Pope, nor many confusing goings-on, dies of poison. Magna Carta not mentioned.

RII: Richard banishes noblemen and then seizes dead uncle’s property. Banished son of uncle comes back in force and becomes Henry IV.

HIV1: Henry spurns supporters, who then side with the Scots. His no-good son makes good and kills the rebel leader. More Yorkists threaten.

HIV2: Prince Hal works on his kingliness. Falstaff droops poignantly in-between exploits. Henry IV dies, Hal becomes king & spurns Falstaff.

HV: Bad-ass Henry V kicks France’s butt with a rag-tag army, many long-bows, and excellent speeches. Henry then marries a French princess.

HVIII: Queen Katherine is justly & legally divorced, Anne Boleyn is legally married, the future Queen Elizabeth is born. Courtiers suck.

------ the Tragedies

TA: TA turns down empire, is surrounded by horrible violence, tricks his enemy into eating her sons’ flesh, kills and is killed.

R&J: Boy meets girl, boy kills girl’s cousin&gets banished, girl fakes death, boy thinks it’s real, kills self, girl wakes & kills self

JC: General with anxious wife gets assassinated for seeming ambitious. Opinion turns against the assassins, but stage is set for empire.

H: Mommy issues are just the beginning for a prince with a murdered father and new Uncle/Step-dad. Most everybody ends up dead.

O: Great man is tricked into killing his wife. Trickster is exposed. Great man kills self in remorse. Trickster is hauled off.

KL: Old king learns too late that two of his kids only wanted power. He and most main characters die. One just gets his eyes gouged out.

M: Kingship is just not in the cards for an ambitious and superstitious Scotsman.

A&C: Glamorous lovers take on the world and lose, then welcome death.

Co: Elitist Roman goes over to enemies & threatens Rome. Rome sends his mom to make treaty, he does, then enemies kill him for it.

TofA: An overly generous man is let down by his “friends.” He subsidizes rebellion & whores w/VD & dies a bitter man, cursing society.

----- Romances

P: A prince on the run is separated from his young daughter in dangerous circumstances. Wise and virtuous, they are reunited in time.

Cy: A guy believes lies about his girl. All kinds of mistaken ID & silliness go on, followed by peace between Britain and Rome.

WT: A king who regrets causing the supposed deaths of his wife & baby daughter is joyously and improbably reunited w/ them years later.

T: Noblemen are shipwrecked on a magical island. The proper succession to the rule of Naples and Milan is settled. Everyone is set free.

TNK: After falling in love with the same woman, cousins become rivals. At combat, one wins but dies, one loses but gets the girl.

89 comments:

William Shakespeare said...

Yea, are you so brief?

quin browne said...

thank you. from the bottom of my 'dread shakespeare's works' heart...thank you.

Robi said...

What, no iambic pentameter?

Oh So Cynthia said...

Wow, I am gobsmacked! Well played!

Anonymous said...

The Bard will rise from his grave.

Sharon said...

Fantastic, good job! Now it all makes perfect sense!

*Kirstys Beauty/Travel Blog* said...

very clever...:D thanks for sharing

Social Media said...

very interetsing stories,I was rivetted to my stools.

Bocephas said...

Brevity is the soul of wit.

And it makes Shakespeare much more palatable.

Wendy Mason Smith (WiseWolf) said...

Thanks its wonderful

rickey said...

For this am most humbled. Using it as a test to see if I can identify all the plays.

Anonymous said...

Tehee! Love it, forsooth!

Jonathan said...

Shakesphere in the Twitterspeare.

hirohurl said...

I will be brief: your noble blog is mad (but I like it so I tweeted it)

David H

mick yates said...

Brilliant - and funny!

Doug Caldwell said...

Thank you. You got RT and blogged with your humor. Well done.
http://doug-caldwell.blogspot.com/2009/04/shakespeare-on-steroids.html

Chris said...

Your blog was featured on the official Palm blog. Very good post! It had me laughing quite a bit.

bfg said...

Brilliant. That's all.

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