Winners Round 9 !! Certificate Winners

There are three Certificate Winner categories this round, posted here in no particular order. The Certificate of Achievement winner is listed first in each category, and the other guesses in each category are listed in the order of entry. I didn't think there would be a full assortment of guesses this week, but the #gwiitb folks came through with a total of 31 guesses. Thank you!!

Category: GUESSES SUGGESTING DANGER OR DISCOMFORT

@KT30003k: 2nd guess! Brass knuckles for hipsters.
- WINNER - Although I can’t decide whether this guess is actually “brass knuckles for hipsters to employ punching others” or “brass knuckles to employ punching hipsters,” I expect there would be a certain amount of popular sentiment in favor of the latter. These days it seems the 30-somethings are torn between hating Boomers and hating hipsters. Regardless, this guess wins in the “Danger or Discomfort” category because there is danger in it for somebody and it made me laugh.

@ContemptSlots: It is something which will no doubt remind me of my childhood, as uncomfortable as that could potentially be.
- FIRST GUESS – Without specific knowledge of @ContemptSlots’s childhood, I am unable to speculate as to whether the item in the box will even remotely remind him of his childhood. If it does, I can only hope it will not be dangerous or cause terrible discomfort.

@odat: A running shoe belonging to a deceased Russian oligarch.
- The item in the box is nothing to do with shoes, running, Russia, or oligarchs, perhaps fortunately for all of us. I thought about this guess, and considered what train of events would result in my possession of a running shoe belonging to a deceased Russian oligarch. It would probably include some uncomfortable things happening to the oligarch and probably some danger to myself.

@BrianPike: A lead condom. [Attempt at product diversification by the ailing Colorado Lead Balloon Company.]
- This guess combines both danger and, I would have to assume, discomfort. While there is some metal integral to the item in the box, an enclosure of some sort, and a kind of protective quality, this guess is just too dangerous!

@jonathaneunice: It reminds me how difficult, complex & painful things can be, even when they should be simple and straightforward. And vice versa.
- It is probably useful and good to be reminded of these things, but it is often a discomfort. The item in the box is fairly simple and straightforward, and although I can imagine a complicated background story for it that could make this guess applicable, there is not enough of a connection.

@jonathaneunice: It's something that expands, pressing out, stretching--out, out, always out.
- This guess was difficult to categorize. In a sense, the item in the box contains and opens, but it is docile and homely and inanimate. It does not press or obtrude. If it did, that would be a discomfort and possibly even dangerous.

@jonathaneunice: It wraps, traps, and envelops. Like rope, string, or a net.
- As described above, there is an aspect of the item in the box that contains, but not like a rope, string, or a net. There is an aura of faint menace in this guess that convinces me a hypothetical grand prize it would apply to would be something dangerous.

@carterbob2: Although its reddish hues and pale blues are NOT due to an inherent radioactive decay, it does contain a heat source (or not).
- It is probably lazy of me, but I see the words “radioactive decay” and think “danger” even when the word “not” is in the same sentence in big capital letters. I believe that there are reddish hues and pale blues involved with the item in the box that are quite certainly unrelated to radioactive decay. There is no question of a heat source. A heat source’s presence or non-presence simply does not come into it.

@carterbob2: It has many pointy-things making it uncomfortable to hold, painful to bite, but soothing to look at.
- The item in the box is nice to look at in a number of ways, but it has only one or two very small pointy things. It is smooth and easy to hold and would be simply uninteresting to bite, not painful.

@d_g_: A seemingly limitless supply of limitations.
- This is a melancholy guess, definitely on the “discomfort” end of the “Danger or Discomfort” spectrum. The item in the box is connected to activities generally considered broadening, which are available only to people with sufficient resources to overcome geographical limitations.

@d_g_: One (1) gently used set of limited edition McDonald's Happy Meal toys
- This guess was also difficult to categorize, but after reflection I concluded that I would not want anything to do with a used set of McDonald’s Happy Meal toys, no matter how gently used it was. I would not put those toys in the hands of a child whose health was in my keeping. I note that the item in the box is also a gently used set, but of an entirely different sort.

Category: GUESSES INVOLVING FORMS OF COMMUNICATION

@AndrewGent: Guess: T-shirt with a picture of a famous writer on it, wrapped around one of his/her books.
- WINNER - This guess is in this category because books are a form of communication. It is the winning guess because it has one thing enclosing something else, mentions the word “picture” and suggests some form of promotion or memorializing.

@icecolbeveridge: It's a first-edition copy of a censored Victorian novel.
- Again, a book is certainly a form of communication, and there is a connection between England and the item in the box. There is also the sense of something collectible, but the connections between this guess and what is in the box do not go farther than that.

@boyntonator: fictionary, a mighty leather-bound tome of all the lies told by obscure icelandic novelist and whale connoisseur, svein hreinsson.
- So many book-related guesses this round! What is in the box is a container of a sort that has representations of things, but as far as I can determine they are all actual things that really exist. Furthermore, they are not Icelandic or suggestive of whales.

@atomicfez: It's 3 reels of reel-2-reel audio tape with the lost sessions of the pick-up band "We're Not Who You Think": JFK, Elvis, Hoffa, Jimi
- I enjoy this guess, although I am surprised at the inclusion of Jimi Hendrix. Perhaps that is the “We’re Not Who You Think” part. There is nothing sound- or band- related about the item in the box. I can’t imagine any U.S. President, famous musicians, or labor organizers are likely to have ever come near it.

@felicitous: A tome of last sentences so long they could never be tweeted for worst-ever novels, Bulwer-Lytton Contest style.
- It is exciting to see the word “tome” appear twice in one round, and I am sorry that tomes are generally heavier than I would prefer to have to send in the mail as a prize. The item in the box is not anything bad, let alone “worst-ever.” The worst I could imagine anyone saying about it is “dated” or “cheesy” and I think both of those are unlikely.

@The_No_Show: Every #gwiitb guess ever made, cast as a nice diorama. In plastic.
- It actually blows my mind to imagine such a diorama. It would have to be huge! And so delicate and subtle to convey all the nuances. Awesome. I would keep that and never give it away. Perhaps I would post pictures. The concept of “images” is the only solid connection between this guess and the item in the box, however, as much as I love the idea.

Category: FOURTH WALL BREAKER GUESSES

@felicitous: What I truly, madly, deeply want for my birthday. It will make many smile, my husband may laugh; I will beam with joy!
- WINNER - This guess is the winner both because it is the most fourth-wall-breaking of the Fourth Wall Breaker guesses and because I can imagine getting a big holiday trip as a birthday present, and ending up owning an item like the one in the box.

@epicdeer: I assume it's a birdhouse because that's what everyone's been talking about today.
- No, @epicdeer, it is not a birdhouse. I say nothing about the habit of making assumptions, but if people were talking about birdhouses the day you made the guess, there is no obvious causal connection to what I put in the box a day or so before that, hmm?

@TheStepster: Has my approval and/or gives me satisfaction.
- The item in the box might very well have these qualities, but it is pure speculation for me on this end, and far too difficult to say.

@myracles: Something to play with while you're in the bathroom
- That is not the intended purpose of this item. One is free to do as one pleases, but I think it would not be the best idea. The item in the box could get ruined if it were to get quite soaked.

@vmason: Something rich, to make up for what we lost on tax day. (Play) money, perhaps.
- The return on investment represented by the item in the box is of the intangible kind. Further, it is a useful item, not for play or symbolic representation.

@hippophagy: it's a blue pillow for bathtime. you connect it to the side of the tub to rest your head on. and right now i want to be in that tub
- I hope you got to take a nice bath. As mentioned above, this item could be ruined by soaking and it would make a terrible pillow. There is some blue in it, and a bit of padding or squishy cloth, but that is as far as it goes.


Thank you all of you for all of the excellent guesses! The Grand Prize is revealed just below -